loridaily
notes from the heartArchive for waiting
hot holdout
This heat beats
semibreves for the semi brave
it cheats in fermati held too long
my sheets are liquid squid
long arms that tangle my angle and choke my silence
screams no one hears
madness inside and outside my head
repeat repeat repeat ad nauseam repeat
The only cool at dawn
kisses hello and goodbye in one short preludium
before the refrain of pain
where the drooping lame
hobble their way
through another day
of Covid’s decay
a Life Unwritten
Our life is lived
as our pen strokes the blank page
We leave our marks…
some are scribbled in haste
some are carefully crafted
Each sentence leads to the next
until paragraphs stack in a collection
Thoughts and plans are planted in rows
like seeds
We create a garden of pages
turning one by one the soils of today
until each bears fruits for tomorrow
As we rest we see that chapters
have accumulated
songs and games played
friends and family joined
labors begin to draw us
as if we were the characters in their story
I have many books now
in my library
Some have been thrillers
some comedies
some others tragedies
I know I should keep writing
but my pen seems out of ink
I try dipping it in wells I once held
but I seem not to have the inspiration
or the courage
to create new stories
So here I sit
on the bank of today
listening to nature sing in my ear
This book, in this chapter, upon this page
within this paragraph, this very sentence
which I have yet to write…
waits for that one stroke of the pen
where intent is transformed into purpose
Until then I live a life unwritten
Until the Day We See You Again
I walked by the harbor to see the small boats
They knew I was looking for you.
They sat all alone in water so grey.
I knew they were thinking of you….
I strolled the low tide and kicked at the rocks.
I asked if the shore had seen you.
The waves barely splashed and were brown and dull.
I knew that they longed for you too…
I asked the gulls to sing me the song
That you whistle to me when I’m blue.
They gave me a stare and quietly stood,
And I knew they were lost without you…
A whale burst from the shining sea,
She heard me starting to cry.
Out of the deep she sang along
Her voice was as sad as a sigh.
The pelicans flew in single file
And landed upon the grey swells.
The waves picked up and splashed at my feet
depositing tiny shells.
I walked beside the water’s edge,
beneath the purplish sky.
One by one, men in small boats
Rowed out and gathered nearby.
And from their boats they waved and they called
“We’re here!”, “We’ll wait with you too!”
The pelicans floated much closer to me
And that was the moment I knew.
That all of the Earth and all of the sky…
The waves and the rocks of the sea…
The people and animals gathered around
To keep watch and to wait with me.
I’ll wait for you until you come.
The world will be at my side
Until the day we see you again.
Sail home to us safe in the tide.
The Citadel
From the safety of the surrounding hills
verdant and lush
I watched the flag wave in The Citadel
In wonder of him,
tall and bold.
For five tear-stained years I watched in silence
His smile was all it took to keep me in wait
He sent word to me
flashes of the depth of his heart
but clad in bloody armor
behind war strewn battlements
wrapped in mystery
and broken in confusion
I dared to approach The Citadel
It was lined with horror stories
of beatings
of injustices
of a mad man
crazy and brash
broken and defiant
Like heads on spikes
that were gaunt and lifeless
warnings stood in the mist
Like overgrown thickets
their barbed wire ready to gouge
the tenderest flesh
I stood holding my basket
a dove on my shoulder
I laid out my lace
The sun shone in my eyes
Even in the midst of the barbed warnings
I hummed in spiritual innocence
Even as the stories of cruelty
filled the air like smoke and stench
I was not afraid
He tried to scare me away time and time again
beating his chest and screaming in nonsense
His one eye ravaged and pained
with teardrop spilling
down his grizzled face
Ultimately five little words found their mark
more than all the bloody spears could
just five words
More threatening than any haunted face
More terrible than any madman’s wild and frustrated utterances
to judges and fools
In five words
not even spoken in his gentle lilt
not even a sentence did they form
He treated my gentle waiting
as less than nothing
I was invited
He promised to meet
He reached out in earnest
and in five callous words
scrawled in apathy
without explanation
without apology
I was brushed off of his boots
like dust.
I gathered my lace swiftly
and departed from The Citadel
and marched far away from that place
My back to it
My soul’s back to it
My footsteps sure and loving moving swiftly as swallows diving
My eyes take in the world ahead of me
where I exist
where I am someone
Where ugliness and combat
could not deter me from purpose or softness
apathy and disrespect did
I am gone from The Citadel forever
For I am more than dust
Apples of Blue
When a boy becomes,
through time’s make-up,
a man in suit and tie
his cartoon monsters
stored on stacks
of yellowed pages die
His little red shoes
no more to play
in muddy puddles deep
he settles in
from nine to five
with appointments he must keep
My wish for such
a tender lad
is simple and it’s fair
for I believe
in such a boy
who’s hardly lost his hair…
He must listen
to his heart
and follow every trail
through the thick
and jungly pass
to imagination’s vale
He must pursue
and keep alive
the flame that lights the way
the boy inside,
though tall and tough,
must resume his play
His heart is tender
I’ve no doubt
for I have seen his soul
but his inner boy
is crying there
within that manly role
On this day
of blessing sweet
vow to open the heavy gate
and run so fast
to find that girl
who is your heart’s playmate
she knows the garden
full of magic
where monsters come to life
where apples of blue
and songs in flight
can melt away your strife
Upon this day
this very day
to celebrate your birth
She waits for you
in a fairy place
to share her guileless mirth
Destiny
silver pool
reflecting
inviting
azure plane
treasures concealed
thirsty canvas
awaiting
her tenderness
one pearl from her mouth
exuded intimately
spoken reverently
diamond droplet
of spirit essence
falling falling
through the expanse
frictionless journey
heavy with honor
bulging
spinning prism of desire
falling falling
at once
their kiss
rainbows of water
splash
wet with longing
she breaks through his surface
and he consumes her
in concentric circles
someday we will meet
one day closer to your dreams
one day past your nightmares
this stretch of highway
where the horizon plays your heart strings
is an open road
where someday we will meet
I am there waiting
as I always was
as I always will be
put your hand in mine
come fly with me
I’ll show you how
Unfinished Canvases
Pallet knife strokes
crash and coalesce
in night’s tousled seas
their batik colors
reflect bruised clouds
light shafts pierce
moaning waves
their stigmata bleeding red to black
white canvas
screams in quiet contrast
as she scrapes the paint
in tormented scratching
onto knife
waxy smears move like violet butter
she shakes the knife with great satisfaction
and the paint slides off
like so much paisley snot
onto the parquet floor
crossing the room
she opens the window
the city pours in
clanking cables intone
like buddhist monks
as the flag rustles
in apathetic counterpoint
her eyes caress
in horizontal strokes
the rouge stained gauze
that blots out the sun
the ball of her left foot
swells painfully
in it’s desire to escape
heels worn too long
the clock winces forward
in metered man-made rhythms
that draw a grid on the afternoon
she sighs…
every surface
every sound
every thought
all unfinished canvases
that wait like yawning doorways
loridaily 